Lifelong Friends in College: Are They Real?
by: Donal Buckley
Back as a freshman, I remember sitting under the hot summer sun during convocation. We listened to various special guests and performances, promising a valuable college experience at USC. One of the key promises we were given, across multiple speakers, was that we’d meet “lifelong friends” by the time we graduated.
It took four years for me to agree with that statement. Relationships develop differently in college, forming while we face our first adult responsibilities and a future, for many of us, without school.
As a freshman, I felt the pressure to meet as many people as possible. I was lonely; and in the back of my mind, I constantly heard the “lifelong friends” promise. When I hadn’t made those friendships by the second month, it almost felt like a betrayal. Now, when I look back on the time passed since then, I have a much better understanding of what that famous phrase means, and how I had to take steps to help make the promise happen. Here are a few ways we can all step up to start and strengthen our connections.
Exchange Socials
When meeting someone new, many people’s default move is to exchange social media profiles. Swapping socials takes less time to connect with someone than to exchange phone numbers. Additionally, direct messaging in platforms makes it easy to reach out to potential new friends. I’ve asked many people to hang out with me through an Instagram message for example, and had the same done to me. I’ve even had classmates reach out to me to ask questions because, even if we’re not close, they still know where to reach me.
Reach Out In-Person
Even if it feels awkward, it’s absolutely acceptable to ask a class friend to grab lunch! There’s a good chance that the person you’re getting to know is in the same boat as you. During my freshman year, I’d leverage campus activities to form connections with people. If there was an event for my major, I’d ask people from my cohort if they wanted to go. If there was a football game, I’d tag along with a new friend. I’ve even found success in simply going to the dining hall with a classmate as soon as the lecture ended. Unfortunately, these types of connections can get less common later in college, especially as you start to live off campus (although trust me, it does still happen!) so capitalize on your early years while you can.
Connect with Friends’ Friends
I’ve met many of my closest friends through other people. Once you have a bond with someone, you’ll likely meet their network of friends, too. Over time, you’ll start to hang out as a group and get to know everyone individually. If you’re someone who has a hard time putting themselves out there, this is a much easier (and faster!) way to make friends. In fact, everyone I live with now I met through one person. You never know what doors one friend can open up!
Remember: Quality Over Quantity
People always talk about the big freshman friend group or the friends they made on their floor. I didn’t have any of that — and what I’ve realized is that I didn’t need it. The amount of people I can confidently say are lifelong friends may not be as large as someone else, but connecting with just one person on a deeper level can be much more valuable than a bunch of shallow friendships. We form friendships to feel seen. If you’re feeling bad about the amount of friends you have, don’t. If they feel like true connections to you, that’s all that matters.
Explore Nod
If you’re having a hard time envisioning yourself reaching out or need help figuring out where to start, USC Student Health has an app called Nod that can help you work up to building your social network. Nod provides advice on how to make connections based on your own priorities. As a freshman, I would probably use it to form close relationships. Now, I’ll use it for networking and job hunting advice. It’s a tool that catches you where you’re at based on what you need at the time. It also lets you insert your daily mood and recommends reflection exercises based on how you’re feeling. If you’re looking for a place to form connections while also engaging in some self-reflection, I’d definitely recommend trying it out.
Be Patient
I had to remind myself that long-term connections don’t form overnight. Giving yourself time to nourish relationships will show which ones will develop into lifelong friendships. When you’re just trying to meet people, hearing this may be agitating — it sure agitated me! — but by the time you’re ready to walk across the stage in your cap and gown, you’ll be thankful for how patient you were.
Coming to a new school and meeting new people is exciting, but it can also be frustrating, upsetting, and downright exhausting. If you’re struggling to form those lifelong friendships, just remember that everything will work out. Even if it’s hard to believe now.
