How I Keep my Relationship Happy and Healthy in College
by Tamanna Sood ‘24
The conversation surrounding dating in college is muddled with conflicting opinions, with some strictly opposed to the idea and others fiercely for it. Whether to date in college can be a hard choice for many due to the unpredictable nature of school life. With the constant deadlines, club responsibilities, recruiting, and general adulting, a relationship often doesn’t fit into the college student lifestyle. Romantic relationships in college can also be daunting. The idea of seriously pursuing a partnership with someone can be scary as a young person. It can be difficult to forge your own identity and life plan while also hoping you’ve found your “forever person”.
As a senior who has spent much of her time in college in a relationship, I’ve gained insight into how to manage a healthy relationship while blocking out the noise. Here are some things that have helped me maintain my college relationship.
Keep Things Private
Keeping my relationship private, both the good and the bad aspects, has been one of the best things I’ve done for my relationship. The reality that I’ve had to learn in college is that sometimes people don’t want you to be happy. While I will discuss my personal life with my close friends and family, I rarely talk about my relationship with acquaintances or on social media. I’ve found that the only doubts I’ve ever had about my relationship, specifically, or about being in a relationship in college at all have always been prompted by external sources. The moment I removed those external factors, the doubts seemed to slip away too.
Effective Communication is Key
The idea that you will meet a person who will understand you from the get-go and anticipate your every need only sets you up to fail. My partner and I hold the same values and views of the world, but we fundamentally have different communication styles, likes and dislikes, hobbies, and tastes in food. Despite that, our desire to understand each other, make each other feel comfortable, and spend time with one another outweighs the mild discomfort of trying something new to make the other person happy.
Learning how to compromise and adjust has been the one of greatest skills I’ve learned from my relationship. While I’m not perfect and am prone to my stubborn ways, learning how to compromise opened me up to new experiences. Expecting your partner to be your cosmically aligned perfect half will only lead to disappointment, but embracing a relationship with open arms and meeting your partner halfway can help you build a life that suits who you are as a couple.
Schedule Intentional Time Together
As busy people, and especially as students, spending hours together every day isn’t possible, but being able to intentionally spend planned time together during the week helps balance this out. Whether that simply means staying in to watch a movie one night a week or going out to dinner, intentionally carving out time for your partner is essential to maintain a healthy relationship. Always be honest about your time constraints with your partner too. Oftentimes, a lack of communication is the root of disappointment and disagreement in relationships. Letting your partner know that you are overwhelmed with commitments and need to focus on work or that you have prior plans will help you create a reliable foundation. As long as you and your partner stay on the same page and are able to find common ground, dating in college is much easier than you might think.
Make Peace with Uncertainty
The truth is, I have no idea what my future looks like. I used to get stressed over the fact that my relationship might not last forever because we met in college. But what if it does? I need to be okay with the possibility of anything happening because I can’t control the outcome either way. It’s always important to remember that we are young, and we have our entire lives ahead of us. It’s okay if things don’t go as planned. It’s okay if they do. No matter what, it’s going to be okay. By detaching myself from future stress and trusting what I feel in the moment, I feel so much better about appreciating the time I do have right now.
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